Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
