Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
