I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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