the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
