I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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