She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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