you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
