:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need water and some morals
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
