I can tuck mytits in my pants
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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