paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
