I heard we made out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
