my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
