Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
