My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize