I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
