Your face is a jimmy john
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
