Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
