p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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