dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
