I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
