I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
