I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
