he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
