The maid of honor just puked.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
