I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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