I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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