My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
