we have officially lost it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
