i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
