so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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