So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
