Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
