is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
