im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
