apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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