Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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