i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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