You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
