Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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