Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
