I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
