I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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