It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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