im six kinds of drunk right now
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
