You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
