I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if only i could text you this smell
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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