A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
