Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
