We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
