So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
