I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize