how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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