we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
