he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
