Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
