god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
someone owes me an orgasm
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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