My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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