i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
