I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
