I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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