so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
