Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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