when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
