There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
