I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
