Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
