Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
