apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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