wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
