Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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