someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
