When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In other news, I just burned my penis
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