Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
