I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
