I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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