He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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