wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
