We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
