Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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