How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
MIDGETS
????
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
