It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
im on a boat
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